Del Boy Trump Rides Again
by Carol King, with image by Martin Gollan
Ere mate, come over ere an listen to this.
Some old tart dared to cross me, she did,
wot a stupid cow. She’s avin a larf, she is,
if you fink I’d fancy that old bag.
Wot you ave to realise darlin is she’s
workin for Biden. The whole lot of
the jokers all witch-huntin me, an all
I’m tryin to do is stick up for you geezers.
You lot graftin away for a crust an not
one of those Democrats gives a toss
about you lot. Nah, nah, ere all they want
is to keep us out. Like when they fixed
the elections. Tricky sods, an they’ll do it
again. Constantly tryin to get me, prosecutin
me for this n that. Suggestin I ave classified
documents – as if. I’m tellin you they’re
avin a larf. I mean wot you all ave
to know is that old tart was askin for it, she was.
Gaggin for it, she was. But the really funny fing
is I can’t even remember er. I don’t fink I ever
met er, an if I did she’d be wantin to get
er filthy ands on my dosh, she would. Cash cow
that’s wot she is. I tell you- don’t get me started-
you just wait when I get voted back in again,
I’m gonna pardon all those proud blokes they done
for riotin. Pointin the finger at me as if I started it,
as if I was behind it. Nah, witch-huntin is all it is.
They’ve just got it in for me. I tell you those Democrats
are gonna come for me until that old fool Biden
gets back in. Doddery old fool, losin his marbles, he is.
Carol King lives and works in Edinburgh, where she is nanny to two lovely grandchildren. She attends the Royston and Wardieburn Writing Group and was one of three runners up for Woman and Home’s short story competition a wee while ago.