£77 per hour by Becky Bone nine thousand two hundred and fifty9250pounds per year (1 year = 20 weeks) four hundred and sixty two pounds and fifty pence per weekdivided by6 hours contact time per week £77 per hour I was pretty good at maths natural like got a C at GCSE without trying no revisionZoom you chased the day away remember we sang in maths us The Band me drums her vocals she lead guitar remember Kurt commits suicidesinging that song from the seventies miming instruments with our bodies Michael looks differentyou both wrote don’t forget the band in my leaving book that rests between other memorabilia in a decorative Ikea make it yourself cardboard box on top of my wardrobeI haven’t forgotten C grade was well good in my schoolI got a C in englishjournaling for ten minutes of each hour I don’t wanna wait for our lives to be overmine filled with listslists of stuff I wanted TLC cd Levi 501s United Colors of Benetton bag Michael’s face keeps changinglists of friends I needed if you like a lot of chocolate on your biscuit join ourlists of boys I loved or said I loved roaming incognito across the boy-obsessed playing fieldThe president of America admits affair with his intern there are drawings of a yin-yang symbol a Pepsi can various types of shoes Forever Friends bears a fat spliff accompanied with the slogan ‘Soaked With Dope’Four Weddings star arrested in car with Sunset Strip prostitute there arebefore and after make-over drawings of character creations like Vanessa Wilks from Manchester and a woman with big head small body OJ Not Guiltythere’s an unhealthy obsession with East 17 Alright alright everything’s gonna be alrightand stickers from Smash Hits Magazine of Jim Carrey Jarvis Cocker PJ and Duncan Dieter Brummer R KellyA princess dies following a chase by paparazzi through a Paris tunnelthere’s plagiarism (I innocently copied a Purple Ronnie poem from a greetings card to which my teacher wrote Did you make this up? Merit if you did) I got a merit Girl Powerthere’s boredomWell I am sitting here bored and not knowing what to write. Oh yeah. I want a pair of shoes. I love shoes.there’s dramaLast night me Sarah and Katie went to find Jason. He was saying things about Katie but it was a lie.there’s suspenseTonight me and Sarah are going with Sofie to see Robert W. He wants to see Sofie but we don’t know why.there’s joyI’m quite happy at the moment as I’ve got some new shoes.there’s thisI feel really weird at the moment as if I’m really angry or something. I feel like screaming really loud but I don’t know why. Something’s really bugging me! Oh well!!!! I got a C in all my subjects Education, Education, Educationexcept french if the teacher pops a test I know I’m in a mess I sat next to that girl who fancied Grant from Eastenders we all cussed her for itcoz we all fancied Joe Wicks who covered his room in tin foil and newspaper clippingsAllo Tony I think we might use a video replay herea man gets slapped in the face by a fat man painted orangeI got an E but who needs a second language anyway football doesn’t come home and when I’m older I ain’t gonna go on holiday to france art was my thing I got a Ceveryone’s given a thing but the thing is there’s probably more than one thingMichael settles child abuse case out of court by paying millions to the alleged victim’s family that defines everyone but once people know what your thing is you sort of get labelled pigeonholed and believe that’s the only thingMr Soft won’t you tell me why the world in which you’re living is so strange there was a documentary on about school in the nineties Michael performs Earth Song at The Brits but Jarvis Cocker appears bends over mimes a fart lifts his top up and is chased off stagesome kids attended nineties style art lessons all they did was draw still lifes and that’s exactly what we did no ideas no concepts but I learnt how to draw a very life like bowl of fruit with a violin propped up against a fabric draped mannequin torso and in the same year Tracey Emin made her bedI made a ceramic Doc Martinbut I never went back to collect it when I left If I was studying maths, I’d have access to various software packages like Maple and Matlab. If I was studying biomedicine, I’d have access to state-of-the-art facilities.If I was studying computing, I’d have access to air-conditioned computing laboratories. £77 per hourI have access to the libraryI bought my own notepad and pen years spent thinking you missed out on something have you dreamed of writing that noveldo something about it learn the toolsis this it build your craftat least you’re thinking find your voicetelling yourself unlock the writer withinmind opening £77 per hour value for money?£77 per hour space to think? paid £1.50 for an hours bus journey and thought the whole time if I’d a gone uni age 18 in the year 2000 won’t it be strange when we’re all fully grownthe maximum I’d a paid woulda been 3000 1000 per year millennium bug disaster warningif my parent’s means were tested I’d a paid nothing student debt to hit £57,000 for the poorestbut who knows what’s best or what to do at 18 25 32 37 50 61 it’s you it’s me it could be youwe do what we do at the time in the moment just because we make a change because something has to change or we go stale like a sliced loaf fed to the ducks but that’s not allowed anymore because ducks are wheat intolerant expectations are bastards nothingto compare levels of distress and illness among students in UK alarmingly highthe thing you’re expecting to but what would you expect for £77 per hour books includedtheatre ticketsregular meetings with your personal tutor (you forget their name)canapes for fifteenI don’t knowa summer terma plumberexceptional teaching whatever that is (remember it’s £77 per hour per person)average possibly good cocainea guaranteed book deal clean toiletsa therapistyou’re not surea guaranteed well paid job at the endprinting and photocopying includedproseccoa really good fuckbeing fucked over