Igh Sheriff o Merthyr

by Mike Jenkins

Ee wuz off of is trolley,
shoutin in-a middle o Penderyn Square
like ee woz a Town Crier.

Ee ad all the regalia -
chains, fancy at , medals galore,
buh ardly spoke posher.

“Yer ye, yer ye! Good folk o Merthyr!
I’m yewer bran’new Igh Sheriff
appointed arfta givin bagsomoney.

Ower good Queen 've sadly
passed away, wavin from-a sky
on a separate cloud to er ubby.

She ave served us mos graciously,
same time lookin arfta er famlee
(speshly er darlin son Andy).

Now we welcome King Charlie III
oo once spoke sev’ral words o Welsh
an loves talkin t trees.

We say ‘Croeso!’ t Wills ower prince
an look forward t showin im round
b’fore ev’ry business shuts down town.

As Igh Sheriff I yerby decree
Prince Charles becomes King Charles Ospital
An Keir Ardie Ealth Centre’s named arfta Camilla.

As Igh Sheriff I yerby declare
this square will enceforth be named arfta me -
Josiah John Bacon Homfray Crawshay.”

Is

by Kevin Higgins

It depends what the meaning of “is” is,
which depends what the meaning of “isn’t” is,
which depends what you mean by “my hand”,
which depends what I mean by not “around her waist”.

It depends on the meaning of “know”,
which depends on the meaning of “don’t”,
which depends on the meaning of
“a house in Belgravia”,
which depends on the meaning of
“March the tenth”,
which depends on the meaning of
a “Pizza Express in Woking”.

It may also depend what the meaning of
“Prince Michel of Yugoslavia” is,
what the meaning of “Annabel”, “Maxine”, and “Amber” is,
what the meaning of “Jeffrey’s apartment for models” is,
what the meaning of Brian Ferry’s phone number is,
what the meaning of “people from the United Nations” is,
and what the precise meaning of “going on” is,
which may well depend, for all I know,
on what the meaning of “Linda Spankman masseur” is.

It definitely depends what is meant by “foot massage”,
which depends on what you mean by “down”,
what I mean by “there”,
and what we both understand
by “young Russian woman”.

And it all turns on the significance we attach
to the words: “nothing”, “happened”,
and “at most three times”.